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Even When

I did...I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

August was the most eye opening, emotional, ridiculously amazing month of my entire life. That is not an overstatement by any means.

1. Two weeks in Alpine
a. I would love to work there next summer
b. Patience was tested
c. Everyone has a story that WILL surprise you
d. Worship music wins, hands down
2. God speaks through the silence
a. Early morning walks
b. Afternoon cool breeze
c. Starry night one-on-nones
3. I have NEVER been so full of joy
a. A friend that gets the happiness he has always deserved
b. Family finally opens up and a glimpse of hope for closeness lingers
c. Children/Youth on fire for God
4. Letting go
a. As a test of faith
b. For one less distraction
c. Of the past
d. Is still difficult
5. 9 months without shedding a tear
a. Realization of inevitable change
b. Not a weakness
c. Healthy, in fact
6. Every youth needs someone pouring into their lives, on a regular basis
a. Genuinely invest
b. Love
c. Guide
7. Friends
a. Incredibly important
b. Change
i. Not suddenly
ii. While we are blind
iii. To grow in a certain direction
c. Will let you down
d. Will teach you something

In the midst of the chaotic month, I lost what I am supposed to be doing.
In the first days back at school I have been repeatedly asked what the next year holds for me.
I knew. I was so sure. Certain beyond a doubt.
Am I afraid, and that is what clouds my certainty now?
Or perhaps another path is going to be unveiled?


I am supposed to take my own advice here and wait.
Be patient, trust, have faith.
I am straying from the path.
I can feel it.
God help me back to your flock.