Even When
I am fighting to find a balance between keeping my old friends and making new ones, I keep feeling like theres no way I can have both.
All my energy has been going into people lately.
Old school buddies that are only down for a couple days.
Relatives with birthday parties.
Jr highers constantly on sugar highs.
Siblings needing advice or someone to lash out at.
Friends I see on a regular basis.
None of these people have done anything wrong.
I love seeing them because, chances are they've been a huge blessing in my life.
I just feel like I'm burning out.
I can't give everyone attention.
There isn't enough time in my day.
I wish I could give every person the time they deserve.
But there's no way I can do it.
By nature, I'm a people pleaser.
I would rather see others happy.
And now that I can't do that...
I feel like Im failing as a friend.
I've totally been neglecting some of the greatest people in the world.
And some of these people, I know, will take it personally.
All I can say is that I love each of you.
I'm trying my best.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
18
Even When
Life seems stable, events happen simultaneously that shake my world.
I have been growing and expecting change to happen.
WANTING it to happen.
But selfishly I thought it would be easier than this.
I thought I would see changes in the things I wanted to see changed.
It's hard to get through these events when I think this way.
This week I was asked to do something I have never done before.
Fast.
Or, give up something I've grown dependent on.
Lent.
I am struggling with what I should give up.
All I can do is wait for it to be revealed to me.
However, I know I need to do this.
It's been a long needed week focusing on God alone.
With everything that has just piled on in my life, I didn't take the time to call out for help.
Instead of giving it all to the one who asks for my burdens, I throw them on others or keep them to myself.
I'll be listening to God this week.
If I'm not going to be filled by earthly food, I'll get fed somewhere else.
On the post script note,
I need to be a better friend.
And I need to let go of the sarcasm.
It's beginning to hurt people.
Life seems stable, events happen simultaneously that shake my world.
I have been growing and expecting change to happen.
WANTING it to happen.
But selfishly I thought it would be easier than this.
I thought I would see changes in the things I wanted to see changed.
It's hard to get through these events when I think this way.
This week I was asked to do something I have never done before.
Fast.
Or, give up something I've grown dependent on.
Lent.
I am struggling with what I should give up.
All I can do is wait for it to be revealed to me.
However, I know I need to do this.
It's been a long needed week focusing on God alone.
With everything that has just piled on in my life, I didn't take the time to call out for help.
Instead of giving it all to the one who asks for my burdens, I throw them on others or keep them to myself.
I'll be listening to God this week.
If I'm not going to be filled by earthly food, I'll get fed somewhere else.
On the post script note,
I need to be a better friend.
And I need to let go of the sarcasm.
It's beginning to hurt people.
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