12

Even When

My natural instinct is to preserve what I've been building up the last four years, a part of me wants to let it all go and start over.

Change isn't something I'm afraid of. But I do have to gear myself up for it.
I have a hard time not being a part of people's lives once I've been placed in them.
However, it's something I have to learn to do.
And timing is perfect. Because I'm ready for the challenge.


I need a healthy balance.

"Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other's gold.
A circle's round, it has no end.
That's how long I want to be your friend."

If only it were it as easy as a song.
And for the true and best friends, it may be.

The time has come.

11

Even When

I call in pest control, the butterflies keep coming back.

It is just a person, I should be able to keep my composure.






P.S. The past doesn't have to be repeated.



Sidenote: It's really happening; life straps you in and says "hold on".
Best wishes to those already miles away.

10

Even When

Creepy situations become repetitive, hearts can still be changed.
Throughout this week I have become a more patient, understanding, steady leader.
I don't need to know all of the answers. Words aren't even necessary.
For once my actions were enough.
I was lucky enough to build relationships with all eight of my girls.
And in one week, I feel like they learned more than they would have in months of going to church on and off.
They each needed this experience, as much as I did.
I can't hardly wait to watch each girl grow.


The seed has been planted.


[Amberly, Alessandra(Ali), Becka, Jasmine, Jenny, Maria(Changa), Rayna, Victoria]
You are wonderful girls, and each bring something different to "the band". I hold you near and dear to my heart. Be the salt of the earth, and find your way to worship. I love you all.

9

Even When

A week was spent building up peace and confidence, one distraction can ruin all the work.

That was something I needed to maintain throughout the week and into next in order to take on the roll of a good well equipped counselor.
But I am beginning to divert from my priorities.
I constantly struggle to follow God's will instead of my own.
Right now, I can feel myself being tempted. It's one of the most prominent feelings I have now.
The serpent is trying his best to get into my head and push me to give in.
I just pray for strength to get through it.
To dismiss the distration for a least a week, until I return home.
It wouldn't be fair to the girls if they are there mentally, and I'm not.

I'm not going to lie...
I really want the apple.


One verb to describe the Christian life: WAIT

Maybe this apple will be given to me unscathed, ripe and most importantly, at the time I need it.


He knows I can handle this.
He has faith in me, and I shall in Him.
I won't be led astray.

FAITH.

8

Even When

Growing didn't seem like an option, God found a way around my dissapointment and worked in me.

He never ceases to amaze me.
He is so much bigger than we know, and I am constantly being reminded of that.

Although, this was one of my loneliest weeks, I haven't felt more comforted or whole.
If there was anything I got out of this week, it is that silence is not only amazing and a blessing, but truly powerful.
Never have I ever heard the thunderous silence like that night.
It was so profound that I couldn't hold emotion back any longer.


My writings of that night: [Simple and to the point]

God spoke to me through the light of a star.
As I stared at it, the light brightened and all else dissapeared.
This is the most intimate moment I've ever encountered with God.
I believe this is the closest I'll ever get to Him until I die.
From now on I will eagerly await the nights He calls me and singles out His wonderous star to talk with me with the intensity I felt tonight.
Nothing else mattered in this world.
Although my focus was holding on to God, Satan fought for my attention as well.
And a battle raged in my mind.
But my glorious Saviour won.
Now that the distractions were set aside I could hear Him.
What does He want from me?
Kim, I will do Big Things with you. You may have to sacrifice some things for me, like your marriage. I want you to fully commit to my work, for I will never lead you to harm. Grab hold of your new friend, Shelby, you will need each other. Do not be afraid of public speaking, there is no need.
When our night began I struggled to clear my head of things I wanted answered and had to listen to what God wanted and needed to tell me.
Because up until that point I hadn't been listening very well.
Patience, dear child, when the time comes I will unveil my will for you. Watch for my star, and listen with your heart.
The time lingered, but I felt there wasn't enough of it.
I was fixated forever, but forever was coming to an end.
I knew the camp wouldn't allow me to stay out much longer, and our time together was coming to an end.
Amazing Grace came on over the intercom and to say 'I love you too' to my wonderful worthy Father, I sang.




That is a night that will never leave me.
I will always hold those fifteen minutes near to my heart, and pray that everyone can have moments in their life like I had.
My Lord and Saviour is amazing.