Even When
"It feels like there's a big balloon inside my stomach. And the balloon keeps growing bigger and bigger, like every second extra the tic stays inside it feels like somebody blows up the balloon another notch, until I let it out."
People are interesting.
I am not sure which I enjoy more, observing or interacting.
It brings me joy to just sit and listen to others, to gain even a small insight into their mind, into their heart, into their soul.
I love learning.
It hasn't always been that way. Truthfully, up until I graduated, I did not have a real passion for learning in school. One passion that has followed through sixth grade is my slightly creepy fixation with people watching. (The interaction part didn't blossom until ninth grade)
Now, I can say in all honesty, I have an eagerness and heart felt desire to learn as much as I can about whatever/whoever I can.
Although I'm taking nineteen units this semester, I have yet to feel overwhelmed. Mostly, the only feeling I have is joy. Each course I am enrolled in a) relates well with the others, b) I find myself weaving into my everyday thought and life, c) has contributed to me becoming more bold and inquisitive, d) has played a major part in my thirst for knowledge.
Now to the quotation that began this entry:
Josh Cutler in New York. Josh has Tourette's Syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes uncontrollable tics and involuntary verbal outbursts. The Teenage Diaries (found through an adol. psych assignment) series has been giving tape recorders to young people around the country to report on their own lives.
What I find most interesting is the fact that it is completely raw and unfiltered. There is no need to impress when it's just you and a tape recorder for an entire year. No teenager can put on a facade for that long. Especially this young man, Josh... he always says what is on his mind. Mostly because he can't help it, from the Tourette's, but also because that is who he is. He talks about the fact that even if he was free of the disease, he would still be a "loony bird". The best part, he is not ashamed of who he is.
This is a very intriguing project. I would urge anyone to try this. (Not necessarily through NPR; on your own is fine) It's a diary, but more personal in my opinion. Hearing your own voice saying things that you may no longer believe, experiences that you've forgotten, feelings and thoughts you haven't experienced since... It has the potential to be an incredibly moving experience.
Through Josh's thirteen minute video diary, I have gained an insight that I would not have gotten through the transcript alone.
After listening to it, all I want to do is talk with a whole bundle of people- ones I know, as well as ones I don't.
If you have the time, take a listen. You will take something away from it.
