Even When
everything is in place and has a good balance, I feel something tugging at my heart.
I have this incredible urge to get up and leave.
Just run across the planet and jump into the universe.
Days like this don't happen too often, but when they do, they consume me.
If God were to call me somewhere other than here, I would have no problem sprinting to the destination.
What scares me...
completely freaks me out...
shakes me until I jolt awake at night...
is staying.
Staying here.
Not being wanted for more than this desert.
That will be the biggest challenge of all.
Accepting where it is I'm meant to be.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
16
Even When
my knowledge concerning the track record I've kept was correct, it was never the way I desired it to pan out.
Apparently I can't make good choices.
Perhaps, why I have an indecisive mind now.
His voice enters my head, and tells me what I should do.
What I need to do.
I just can't seem to listen to it, when it comes to these decisions at least.
Honestly, I heard it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
I fought it; I fought Him.
But He was right.
It's always been preached to me.
I've said it myself.
What do I need to do?
WAIT.
I need more than drive, more than advice, more than clarity.
I need all He has to offer.
No one looks out for me like Him.
He knows me better than anyone.
I should leave this for Him as well.
There's no way I can find it.
The odds of that are one in a trillion.
But He will.
"There's still your worried mouth
To match your worried eyes
The only two things left to find"
No longer.
It always feels amazing to give these chains up.
And it's even more amazing that He takes them.
I love God.
my knowledge concerning the track record I've kept was correct, it was never the way I desired it to pan out.
Apparently I can't make good choices.
Perhaps, why I have an indecisive mind now.
His voice enters my head, and tells me what I should do.
What I need to do.
I just can't seem to listen to it, when it comes to these decisions at least.
Honestly, I heard it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
I fought it; I fought Him.
But He was right.
It's always been preached to me.
I've said it myself.
What do I need to do?
WAIT.
I need more than drive, more than advice, more than clarity.
I need all He has to offer.
No one looks out for me like Him.
He knows me better than anyone.
I should leave this for Him as well.
There's no way I can find it.
The odds of that are one in a trillion.
But He will.
"There's still your worried mouth
To match your worried eyes
The only two things left to find"
No longer.
It always feels amazing to give these chains up.
And it's even more amazing that He takes them.
I love God.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
15
Even When
attempts become a part of my daily routine, it seems unlikely that I'll be able to relate to them any time soon.
We've always disagreed on some level. Our outlooks on life haven't come together well.
I never thought once I became an adult they would attack me for them.
My beliefs are mine. I never asked them to take them.
I have always respected theirs. I've asked questions and discussed.
But never baggered or tried to tear down.
I wish they could be more open to the ideas.
attempts become a part of my daily routine, it seems unlikely that I'll be able to relate to them any time soon.
We've always disagreed on some level. Our outlooks on life haven't come together well.
I never thought once I became an adult they would attack me for them.
My beliefs are mine. I never asked them to take them.
I have always respected theirs. I've asked questions and discussed.
But never baggered or tried to tear down.
I wish they could be more open to the ideas.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
14
Even When
They promise that they will do anything for you, they don't even attempt to deliver.
I do not understand how they can say that they love me and would do anything for me, but when it comes to helping me with something they don't agree with, they turn their backs and wait to watch me fail.
I will say that if I were doing something even slightly bad or stupid, I would listen to them and not proceed.
But this is a well thought out event that is showing love and servitude for those that are less fortunate.
For those that are cast down in society.
For those that we are called to help.
How can you turn your back on your child because she wants to give back for all of the blessings she's received?
I have thought about this, prayed about this, and I know where I am needed.
If they can't or won't help me get there, then I will do it on my own.
It's just really upsetting to find out that you can't always count on your parents.
It is, in fact, a wake-up call.
You can't ALWAYS count on anyone.
Once again, everyone will let you down.
What a shame.
My hopes are high, however.
I know that even though the things of the world will let you down and lead you astray.
But it can be overcome, and we will reside in a place far better than what we see here.
One day.
They promise that they will do anything for you, they don't even attempt to deliver.
I do not understand how they can say that they love me and would do anything for me, but when it comes to helping me with something they don't agree with, they turn their backs and wait to watch me fail.
I will say that if I were doing something even slightly bad or stupid, I would listen to them and not proceed.
But this is a well thought out event that is showing love and servitude for those that are less fortunate.
For those that are cast down in society.
For those that we are called to help.
How can you turn your back on your child because she wants to give back for all of the blessings she's received?
I have thought about this, prayed about this, and I know where I am needed.
If they can't or won't help me get there, then I will do it on my own.
It's just really upsetting to find out that you can't always count on your parents.
It is, in fact, a wake-up call.
You can't ALWAYS count on anyone.
Once again, everyone will let you down.
What a shame.
My hopes are high, however.
I know that even though the things of the world will let you down and lead you astray.
But it can be overcome, and we will reside in a place far better than what we see here.
One day.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
13
Even When
My body is praying I give it rest for the night, I have a sleepless mind that won't give in.
Mr. Alex Kaneko can say it better than I could
"awake with your eyes closed
just enough to lie
flat on your back and you ask
cuz you don't know why
was it yesterday or something from a dream?
is it fantasy or something in between?
but the day won't start
'til you pull away the blinds
and the night won't end
if you're scared of what you'll find
so stopcuz you're rolling off
the wrong side of your bed
then gowhen you're through
with all the voices in your head
and wake up singing"
http://www.myspace.com/alexkaneko
My body is praying I give it rest for the night, I have a sleepless mind that won't give in.
Mr. Alex Kaneko can say it better than I could
"awake with your eyes closed
just enough to lie
flat on your back and you ask
cuz you don't know why
was it yesterday or something from a dream?
is it fantasy or something in between?
but the day won't start
'til you pull away the blinds
and the night won't end
if you're scared of what you'll find
so stopcuz you're rolling off
the wrong side of your bed
then gowhen you're through
with all the voices in your head
and wake up singing"
http://www.myspace.com/alexkaneko
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